I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i think im in europe. pls send help
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
