Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
