I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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