I just saw a hot homeless man
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
