everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Couch. On fire.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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