Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
