How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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