So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
