That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
