I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
