If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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