Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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