Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
