Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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