I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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