what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
