U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
