OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This baby is an asshole
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
