ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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