I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
