she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
