Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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