i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
