the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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