My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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