She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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