Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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