Is it because I queefed?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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