Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This baby is an asshole
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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