Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
