Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
