Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize