It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
