dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
