he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
