He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
