just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drake has all the answers
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
