some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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