We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm passing your future prison.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Walk of Shame today included voting.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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