I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize