He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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