Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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