I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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