her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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