First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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