My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
