He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize