There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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