no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My pussy is not your playground.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize