just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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