You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
