Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
