Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I will be naked everywhere
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
