she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
