i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
