I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
