remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
