i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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