And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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