I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize