I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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