R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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