none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
