How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize