she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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