I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
