Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
