he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
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Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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