You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
