Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
