and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
