he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
May the power of my ass compel you!!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
